Rid Your Life of Toxic Friends

A few months ago, I posted a video on Facebook with me looking like a mess.  People no doubt wondered, “Oh God what’s the matter with Angie? Why does she look all sweaty and messy?” and actually a few people did comment on that.  However, I had just finished exercising, and never showered first for the simple reason that I wanted to speak about being yourself around friends who are always rooting for you as opposed to those toxic friends.

When I awoke that morning, I had a wonderful message on my Facebook page from my very dear friend Shona.  She had written to me in response to a video that I posted the previous week when my page hit 5000 followers.  She said, “Definitely a calling. Just needed something to jolt you. Amazing how happy and relaxed you come across in these videos. Makes we try to calm my hectic rushed life down a bit. You found your niche and it is such a privilege to have seen this transformation.”  I was simply filled with such joy to receive such encouragement from such a dear friend.

Her message reminded me of something that happened a year previously.  I had walked a major pilgrimage across Spain (Camino de Santiago) and I was working through some issues in my life and healing from a very damaging situation that had occurred in my workplace.  Half way through my pilgrimage, I reached the major conclusion that I actually wanted to work for myself. I wanted to start my coaching business and get on living my life’s purpose and living my dream.

Of course, I was scared; in fact, I was scared shitless!

Enter My Toxic Friend

I spoke to a friend about this, somebody that I’d known most of my life and she told me how she didn’t appreciate some things about me as a friend.  I considered what she said and found there was some truth to it. In a follow-up conversation we spoke about getting my business off the ground. As the conversation ended, she said something to me which was like a knife in my heart.

She said,

I don’t think you’re ready for this because you haven’t got your shit together

and I was like, “HUH? What the hell are you talking about?”

Now, this is somebody that I really admired, appreciated, and I valued her opinion. I replied with, “Well, nobody ever has their shit together when they start a business. It’s a rollercoaster, you know?”

In life, none of us has our shit together most of the time. We just simply get on with living and allow life to unfold.

But that judgement was…it was crucial to me, as I was feeling insecure about my decision. I was feeling scared about this whole new pathway that I was now going to walk on and these words were crushing as they were said with intent!

I went and mulled over this conversation and I can’t begin to express how deeply it hurt me.  The worst thing was it came from somebody who I really respected and cared about.

I began reviewing our friendship and I realised that person didn’t have my best interests at heart and perhaps this was so for quite a long time.  I also realised that they were not seeing me for who I really am, who I have become.

Exit My Toxic Friend

I made a very critical decision. I decided that was it and I was done with that friendship. I never said it, I never told the person, “Listen, yeah, fuck off, okay?” I simply decided, “You know what, you’re not adding any value to my life so I don’t want you in my life anymore.”

To be honest I worked through 2 or 3 months of forgiveness towards her, and I noticed those words also spurred me on because I realised, she did not know me. She did not appreciate me or the fact that I do have my shit together because I’m following my dream. I’m listening to my life purpose, I’m doing what I should be doing – that to me is a sure sign of finally getting my shit together!

How many times in life don’t we have relationships or people around us that actually add no value to our lives? There may have been a point where they do but then things change and they no longer appreciate us for who we are and they no longer have our best interests at heart.

Coming back my friend, Shona.  I am so blessed to have her in my life!  She sticks to me like glue even when thousands of kilometers separate us.  I can go to Shona and she remembers things about my life that I’ve forgotten.  She builds me up, pushes me forward and she encourages me. I can only hope that I do the same for her. We all deserve friends that really believe the very, very best in us. They see us for who we really are even when we can’t see ourselves for who we really are.

When we have people in our lives that don’t appreciate or value us, we need to let go of sentimentality and release them.  We do ourselves no favours when we hold onto toxic friends who have reached their expiry date.

I’ve done that so much in my life; held onto toxic friends for various reasons but not once has this brought me any joy or happiness.  In fact just the opposite!

Audit Your Toxic Friendships

Do yourself a favour and audit your friendships.  Look if you have toxic friends around you who neither have your best interests at heart or bring your life any value.  It’s time to do some house cleaning.  If you have people around you that appreciate you for who you really are, whom you can be sweaty and smelly around, that you can fall to pieces with and they will help to build you back up; build on those relationships.

If you don’t know what toxic friend look like they are the ones who criticize you, are not happy for your successes, don’t help you get up when you’re down.  You will feel inadequate and possibly even lonely around them.  Is it worth it to keep these people around?  Really worth it?

Love the Ones You’re With

Your true friends, like my friend Shona, will see the very best in you when you don’t, they will believe in you, encourage you, push you on, help you up and they stand on the sidelines and cheer for you as you cross the finish line.

If you have friends in your life of this calibre then, hell, you better be doing the same for them because they also deserve the best friend in you.

So, guys, don’t worry about getting your shit together just be yourself, have people around you that really believe in you, and just go out and love them. Love them all that you have.