Let’s Get Ready To Rumble!®
About 6 minutes to read
Tonight we will witness the most anticipated match in the history of boxing for the heavy weight championship of the world. Are you ready? Boxing Fans are you RRRRRREEEEAAADDDYYYY?!!! In the blue corner weighing in at 302 pounds is The Inner Critic. Known for her lightning fast strikes and her perfect knock out record, The Inner Critic is a lethal opponent.
In the pink corner, the fringe contender looks a lightweight compared to The Inner Critic. Going by the curious and unknown name of Ostfuagowi we have to wonder if this is a championship bout or a potential slaughter. Little is known about Ostfuagowi and yet there seems to be something potentially dangerous about her.
What’s that? Well folks Ostfuagowi has just shouted that this match will be the slaughter of her opponent. Big words from the pink corner!
So without a further ado to the hundreds in attendance and the millions watching from around the world, from the centre of the Known Universe Ladies and Gentlemen let’s get ready to rumble!
With lightning speed, shooting out of the red corner the reigning world champion The Inner Critic descends on her opponent. Raining blistering blows to the head,
Hey you little weed you think you can slaughter me? LEFT UPPER CUT!
You don’t have the balls. RIGHT UPPER CUT!
What makes you think LEFT HOOK!
that you can show up here without a name KIDNEY PUNCH!
and take me on RIGHT HOOK!
The Inner Critic JAB!
the Heavy Weight Champion of World COMBINATION LEFT! RIGHT!
Dazed and bewildered Ostfuagowi attempts a clinch but The Inner Critic is having none of it, she’s in flow, she’s the world champion, she’s going to destroy this little upstart and take that crown home, without a scratch on her pretty ugly face.
This is child’s play smirks The Inner Critic
I can get done with her and be home in time for The Late Show.
Leading off the back foot she lands a blow to the side of the head
Who told you that you were good enough to stand up to me? LEFT JAB! RIGHT UPPER CUT!
What makes you think you’re worthy to even be in this ring? COMBINATION LEFT! RIGHT! JAB!
The speed and ferocity of the blows knocks Ostfuagowi to the mat but she stumbles, doesn’t go down, and lands on her knees. Through the dazed confusion she hears the screams from her corner, her trainer’s voice bellowing in her ears.
REMEMBER YOUR TRAINING OSTFUAGOWI! REMEMBER THE STRATEGY! REMEMBER YOUR NAME!
Before the count reaches eight, she stands, shakes her head, and regains her internal balance. She needs to focus on her strategy. She knows what to do!
Like a snake ready to strike The Inner Critic blazes forward but Ostfuagowi hears her corner, remembers her strategy she ducks and weaves, dances out of striking position.
Think you’re clever you little shit! I’m going to get you! LEFT JAB! into empty space, the blow never lands.
Ostfuagowi has danced out of the way.
Keep on coming she thinks, keep on talking, I know your moves, I know who you are.
What she’s remembered is critical – strategy and her name! You see for many years she was enthralled by The Inner Critic. She grew up watching her, followed all her bouts, wanted to emulate her until one thing became very clear.
She realised The Inner Critic does not fight clean. She does not respect her opponent or even the sport of boxing, her mission is to win at any cost. She’s not even innovative at what she does. She uses the same moves, has the same formula over and over. With brute force she tires her opponents out, when they’re going down she throws in rabbit punches that the ref won’t see. She’s a brawler, the more damage she inflicts to her opponent the better. She wants only one person standing in the ring and that’s her!
As Ostfuagowi bobs and weaves around the ring she remembers what she needs to do. She must focus on her strengths, she must tire out The Inner Critic, she must stay out of striking distance and above all she must block out the insults her opponent throws.
Dancing until the bell sounds Ostfuagowi remembers Ali, “Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.” The question is how long she wants to remain in this fight. Does she want to go the distance or should she bring it to an end?
She knows where this fights going, The Inner Critics blows will become more lethal, more brutal. She did not become world champion today, she’s had a lifetime of experience.
Ostfuagowi knows she must retaliate, she must inhabit her name. Sinking to her stool she asks her corner for help. As they press her cuts together, and smooth them over with jelly she asks her trainer to start the chant.
So soon, he asks?
Yes! I remember but I want to hear it yelled in the next round, I need my ears filled with my truth and not with lies from The Inner Critic!
Signalling to her fans, the trainer lets them know they are needed and the slow clap and chant begins.
Ostfuagowi! Ostfuagowi! Ostfuagowi! Ostfuagowi! Ostfuagowi!
At the sound of the bell both opponents rush into the middle. The Inner Critic looks assured, her corner has bolstered her energy levels she is ready to land the lethal blow.
What’s that chanting? Why’s it getting louder? A little unsettled she follows the dancing Ostfuagowi around the ring.
LEFT UPPER HOOK! empty space PIVOT JAB! empty space COMBINATION LEFT! RIGHT! empty space.
The Inner Critic becomes aware of blows landing on her body, LEFT! RIGHT! JAB! PUNCH! The chanting is deafening Ostfuagowi! Ostfuagowi! Ostfuagowi! Ostfuagowi! Ostfuagowi!
This can’t be right, how can this be? What’s that?
Oh Shut the Fuck Up and Get On With It! Ostfuagowi! Oh Shut the Fuck Up and Get On With It! Ostfuagowi!
Ostfuagowi hears her name being chanted in full. Yes that’s right! She’s known as Oh Shut the Fuck Up and Get On With It! That’s who she is, that’s where her courage and strength lays. It’s not in navel gazing, it’s not in the recesses of her mind, not in other people’s opinions or judgments. No it’s in her action, pulling herself together, not listening to The Inner Critic who wants to dominate and subdue her. Her strength lays in shutting the inner critic up and getting on with it! ACTION!
I am worthy to be in this ring! RIGHT! LEFT! UPPER HOOK!
I am scared of you but I fight you anyway! JAB! JAB! COMBINATION
I know who you are, but you don’t know who I am! BOLO PUNCH! RIGHT HOOK! KNOCK OUT!
For a second there is stunned silence in the arena and then mayhem breaks loose. The improbable, the impossible has occurred. A fringe contender has knocked out the heavy weight champion! Ostfuagowi has taken out The Inner Critic!
My friends this may seem like an unlikely tale and for me, Ostfuagowi really is my inner champions name! That little inner voice who is often drowned out by my inner critic.
The fact is, we all have an inner critic who is our own worst enemy. We allow them to treat us in ways that we would never tolerate from others. We would never allow other people to be spoken to or treated the way our inner critic treats us, and yet each day the inner critic shows up refreshed and ready for the next round.
Bring your inner champion out of hiding. We are all scared, we all fear failure or rejection and a myriad of other things, the question is will we allow our fear and our inner critic to hold us back from living our lives fully, taking chances and growing each day.
I hope not! So for me it’s time to Ostfuagowi until next time…