Are You Always Happy?

She sat across from me chatting like old friends, which is what we are.  Although we had not seen one another for two years we both remarked that, although many miles separate us, there was no distance between us.  We picked up the conversation exactly where we had left off. We were talking about my life and business and how it is going.  I had spoken earlier about the need of human beings to be “happy” and how we each seek happiness in different ways.  Her brow furrowed and she seemed sceptical.  “Tell me,” she said, “I read your blogs and follow you online, but are you always happy?”  My partner and I both looked at one another and immediately went into vehement denial and I had to laugh and say, “No I am not always ‘happy’”  “Well then,” she asked, “how can you always be writing the things you do, giving the impression that you are always happy?”

This made me think for a moment, I realised that the things I write in my blog and post on my Facebook page are generally upbeat and positive; they are based on my own struggles and experiences, and how I aspire to live my life.  I realised that while I am not always happy, I do use the tools at my disposal regularly to bounce back faster than previously.

After speaking late into the night we met the next morning at the breakfast table and there my friend informed me that she thinks I’m wrong, not everyone is looking for “happiness” or to “be happy.”  I asked her what she meant and she said that she is looking for a sense of balance and wellbeing and this does not translate into “happiness.”

I realised that I used the word “happiness” and “happy” rather flippantly and that I actually don’t believe in happiness.  In fact, I never have.  I think happiness is a fallacy and a load of crap actually.  Now you’re wondering what the hell I’m talking about… actually so am I!  No seriously, I have always seen happiness as a much more fleeting emotion, something that flits through our lives almost like vapour in the wind and it’s not durable or sustainable.

Contemplating the challenge my friend set me to refine my thought processes I realised that I use the word “happy” to describe the baseline of emotional wellbeing, that equilibrium that I seek and that perhaps other people seek as well.

My emotional baseline of wellbeing consists of self-love, balance, and joy.  Normally if I am loving myself, taking care of my needs and treating myself well then I feel more balanced and joyful however I know how easy it is to get out of whack.

Perhaps this is sounding complicated but what I would like to say is this.  I think each of us searches for a sense of emotional wellbeing.  That sense of overall okayness with ourselves.  In order to accomplish this we need to take care of ourselves, emotionally, spiritually, physically and intellectually.  As we go about our daily lives, we encounter a myriad of events and circumstances, which either enhance our wellbeing or deflate it, but if we can bounce back to our baseline, our own personal equilibrium; then we can face any challenges in life.

So take a moment and ask yourself are you always happy?  Use my definition of happiness and ask, “Am I always experiencing my baseline of emotional wellbeing, my equilibrium?”  On a scale of 1 to 10 how often, do you experience equilibrium in your baseline of emotional wellbeing?

I think very few people are constantly experiencing perfect emotional wellbeing within themselves and yet I think we each have it within ourselves to be at the higher end of the scale.  This might seem impossible, but is it really?

Four steps to help you always be “happy” and find your baseline of emotional wellbeing

Know yourself

Spend time in self-examination to know what your emotional wellbeing looks like.  Everyone’s is different so do not expect to have the same baseline as the people around you.  Do not be afraid of introspection, it can and will open you to the delights of your beautiful self.

Accept yourself

When you know what makes you tick and understand your baseline of emotional wellbeing, accept yourself.  Don’t try to be another version of yourself or someone that others want you to be.  You will NEVER find peace or experience wellbeing if you do.  Acceptance is the foreplay in the lifelong romance you have with yourself.

Love yourself

Once you’ve come to accept who you are; truly, deeply, love yourself.  When we deeply love and accept ourselves for who we are, what we bring to the world, our talents, quirks, brilliance, and perfect imperfections are enhanced if they are rooted in deep self-love.

Live yourself

Your life is yours.  We often make the mistake of thinking that we live for our families, parents, children, partners, and even God.  This is not true!  You are on this planet to live the full experience of all that YOU are meant to be, so get on with doing that.  Seek YOUR bliss and watch great things unfold in 2016!

Please note these four steps do not work if only applied once.  They should be followed routinely and regularly.  We like everything else in this galaxy are not static, but constantly evolving and unfolding, beautiful masterpieces.  To live a meaningful life we need meaningful practices because it is through practice that we achieve mastery….

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